A Call to Nonviolence a Candlelight Vigil and Poem Ode to Being a Black Man in America

[Elandria Williams]

On a cold winter evening around 35 people gathered in Knoxville, TN at Krutch Park in support of CAFE, Oscar Grant III, and all people who have suffered from police brutality and state sponsored violence in all of its many forms. The “Call to Nonviolence Candlelight Vigil” was not just a vigil to remember Oscar Grant II but a call to end police brutality everywhere and unnecessary violence in all of our communities. The event opened with Pam McMichael, the director of the Highlander Research and Education Center, calling us to stand against violence the murders of Oscar Grant III, Nikko White in Little Rock, AR, Adolph Grimes in New Orleans; the occupation and terror in Gaza, and the killings that rocked Knoxville, TN with the shooting at TVUUC. Joe Tolbert of Carpetbag Theatre shared a poem, An Ode to Being a Black Man in America, written after his cousin was shot by police three years ago and is posted below. A prayer was given by Dave Linge one of the founders of the East TN Rapid Response Team that was created as a response to the raids that are impacting immigrant and non-immigrant families across the country and especially in the South. Tufara Waller Muhammad then led the vigil in song with a litany of names of people that have been victims of violence and repression. This final song closed out the vigil: When there is light in the Soul; there is beauty in the person; when there is beauty in the person; there is harmony in the home; when there is harmony in the home; there is honor in the nation; when there is honor in the nation there is peace in the world.

An Ode to Being a Black Man in America
By Joe Tolbert

You’re Black, sitting in your car at Weigles. It’s late. They say look at them. They are young black men. They must be up to no good. It’s late. What they say must be right. Right? They walk up, tell you to freeze. Guns drawn. You panic. Get out your phone to call home. You panic. You’re nervous. The phone drops. You bend down. They tell you to put your hands up. You’re reaching. They shoot. You’re gone. Sean is gone.

It’s late. The phone rings. I hear crying. I’m half asleep. Things are hazy. My mom is mumbling through her tears. She said, “Sean is dead. Sean is dead.” I’m stunned. Confused. Wondering how could this happen? She explained. Feelings. Overcome with feelings. Betrayal. Fear. Injustice. Rage. Could this happen to me? Once I came to, I put my clothes on to go to the hospital. I pass the Weigles. See his car. It really happened. This is not a dream. My cousin. What will I say to him? His brother, murdered. Are there words for this kind of thing? I see him. I see his grief. All because of the damn police. Feelings. Overcome with feelings. I want to help. I feel helpless. Overcome with feelings. I feel powerless. Overcome with feelings. I look at my aunt. Overcome with feelings. I look at my uncle. More and More feelings. This is too much for me to handle. I wish I could go numb and escape all of these feelings. I left the hospital. Again passing Weigles. This is not a dream.

Now at home, I tried to sleep. Flipping. Tossing. Tossing. Flipping. In my head, that scene played again, over and over. I began to wonder. Wonder how could this be? Murder of Society. Still trying to sleep. Flipping. Tossing. Thinking. Murder of society. I thought racism was a thing of the past. Still thinking. I thought we were all free at last. Murder of Society. It’s still here with us. Changing forms. Evolving. They used to seek refuge behind a white hood. Evolving. Now seeking a blue suit and a badge. Tossing. Flipping. Thinking. Murder of society. Their ideals are the same. They see our strength. Our power. So they misuse their power to keep us down. It would be better for them if we weren’t around. To them, we are all gangsters, drug dealers, and thugs. They criminalize us. Murder of Society. Throw us in jail. Murder of Society. Not for any wrong we have done, but because we are young black men. Flipping. Flopping. Still trying to sleep. Amidst my mental confusion, sleep finally came.

I’m looking out the window. It’s raining. I’m thinking. In deep thought. My world is different now. Thinking. I wish I could be a kid again and play in the rain, but now, I know how the world is. I now know the system isn’t here to protect me. I now know that the ones behind the badges see me as a threat. I now know the color of my skin still matters. I now know that our struggle continues. The battle wages on. Oh how I wish things could go back to being carefree, but now my eyes are open, and now I can finally see. I can see things are not the same. I can see the oppression of my people. I can see that people are asking questions, but no one is giving answers. I can see our bright future. The day we are really free, but I can see all of the challenges. Struggles, road blocks. Keeping us held down and stagnant. I’m looking out the window. Watching the rain. I’m wishing it could cleanse me of all this pain. Hatred. Strife. He’s gone. Never to return home. I’m looking out the window. It’s raining. I’m thinking. In deep thought. Realizing that my world will never be the same.

Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray my family to keep. We are hurting. Our spirits are broken. We need your guiding hand. To guide us through this barren land. Why did this have to happen? How do we pick up the pieces that have been shattered all around? This anger. This frustration. Knowing that this has happened to many times before. I need your help, because I want to find him and make his family feel the hurt that I feel so balled up inside. I want to do it, but I can’t, because I know that ultimate vengeance is yours. God how long must we stand a side and watch our young black men continue to fall at the hand of the people who are supposed to protect and serve us? When will true justice prevail? I need answers. God, I need answers. Amen.

It’s late. I want to go visit my sister and chill for a while, so I get in my car, put on my seat belt, and start the car. I begin to drive. I finally made it to downtown. Stay green. Light stay green. Faster. Faster. C’mon stay yellow. I can make it. Faster. Faster. Just a little faster. Yes, I made it. Oh no, blue lights. Deep breathing. Don’t make any sudden moves, because this time it could be you. Deep breathing. Stay calm. Don’t panic Deep breathing. Stay calm. “Yes officer?”

“You realize you just ran a red light?”

“Yes.”

“I am going to need your license and registration.”

“Yes sir. Oh shit! Where is my registration? Stay calm. Don’t freak out. Why do I have all this stuff in my glove compartment? C’mon keep looking. Thank God. Here you go sir.”

“Thank you. I’ll be right back.”

“You’re doing good. Keep taking deep breaths. Gosh what is he doing back there? Did he find something wrong? Is he waiting for backup? Deep breathing. God please let everything be okay. Stay cool. Deep Breathing. Stay cool.”

“Can I get you to sign here? Thank You. Have a good night.”

Deep breathing. It’s over now. Deep breathing. Is this the new world I live in? A world were I’m gripped by so much fear? This new world with shattered security. A world were I’m being picked out to be picked on. Is this my new home? I can’t trust anymore. I’m always checking my back. I can’t help feeling paranoid, like I’m some sort of basket case. Is this what I’m left with? I can’t trust anymore. I don’t think I will ever get back to the level of trust I once had in this world. How can I go back to that? How can I after being hurt so bad?

I have experienced something that I never thought would happen to me. I have experienced something that I thought only happened to other people. Something that I thought only happened in larger cities, but it happened. It happened to me, my family, to my city, and to my community. Yes, this made me and still makes me mad, but I can’t just be angry. I can’t be a living vessel that holds all of this anger and strife, because there are a lot of angry black people that are walking around. What does pint up anger change?

When tragedy strikes, you are left with a question. I have that one question. This unanswered question of why? At first I would just try to dismiss it, but that question kept coming back. That one question. That unanswered question of why? This world has billions and billions of people in it, but I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that out of those billions we were the ones chosen to bear a burden that no one should ever begin to bear. I have this one question. This unanswered question. This unanswered question of why?

Once I began to look at this question, I realized it took many forms. Why did the cops have to choose his car? Why did he drop his cell phone? Why did he have to reach? Why did they have to pull their guns? Why did they have to shoot? Why us? These questions. How do I begin to process and answer these questions? The more I tried to handle this on my own, the more I realized I had some choices. I could just let this anger keep building up inside of me from all of these unanswered questions, or I could attempt to make something positive out of this tragedy. Hope isn’t born out of a lifetime of joy and mountain top experiences, but rather the rough and tough valley experiences. I have gained the hope to envision a brighter day, and to use my voice to bring about that change.


When I look at you, I see eyes filling up with tears. When I look at you, I see crushed dreams. Lost hope. Who is going to console them? Who is going to inspire them?

When I look at you, I see people with bowed down heads. When I look at you, I see people with low self-esteem. Who is going to lift the bowed down heads? Who is going to tell them that they are worthy?

When I look at you, I see people that have lost the fight within. When I look at you, I see people who are still running. Who is going to light the fire? Who is going to tell them that they have the power and strength to stand up and fight?

When I look at you, I see children who are starving. Children who are stricken with poverty and disease. When I look at you, I see teenagers adrift on the sea of life. Who is going to care for them? Who is going to throw out the lifeline?

When I look at you, I see children fighting wars with guns. When I look at you, I see children with dreams deferred. Who is going to say stop it, and that peace is necessary? Who is going to tell them to have a vision, and keep the dream alive?

When I look at you, I see so many people asking questions. People seeking solutions. When I look at you, I see people waiting for a change. Who is going to answer them? Who is going to step up to the plate, and lead them to that brighter day that’s waiting ahead?

When I look at you, I see people with so many problems that they turn to drugs as a way to cope. As a way to escape. When I look at you, I see people taking advantage of the weak. Who is going to tell them that they can’t begin to heal what they can’t feel? Who’s going to intervene and speak for them that have no voice? The ones that can’t fight for themselves?

When I look at you, I see justice being bent for the gain of some, but at the expense of others. When I look at you, I see double standards. I see people saying one thing and doing another. Who is going to fight for true justice and equality? Who is going to speak to the hypocrisy running rampant through our government?

When I look at you world, I see so many awful things, and I begin to think. Then I realize that the person I’ve been waiting for is me.


No longer will I continue to remain silent. No longer will I believe them when they tell me that my voice doesn’t matter. I will no longer give them the power to speak for me. I will cry freedom! I will cry justice! I will use my voice.

I will use my voice to give comfort to the masses of hurting people. I will use my voice to inspire people to think different. Live different. Feel different. Be different. I will use my voice to incite change in the hearts and minds of man. I will use my voice to expose what’s been hidden. I will use my voice to open up blinded eyes to all of this corruption and greed in this nation that supposed to be a free democracy.

No longer will I continue to remain silent. No longer will I believe them when they tell me that my voice doesn’t matter. No ones voice sounds like mine. No mind thinks like mine. I will no longer give them the power to speak for me. I will cry freedom! I will cry justice! I will use my voice.

I will use my voice to tell the youth that studying and making A’s isn’t wack. I will use my voice to tell the youth that they aren’t inferior because they are black. I will use my voice to tell the youth that they can be anything they want to be with hard work and dedication. I will use my voice to tell the youth to create the future they want to see. I want to tell the youth to be all that they can be. To be true to their vision. To be true to themselves.

No longer will I continue to remain silent. No longer will I believe them when they tell me that my voice doesn’t matter. I will no longer give them the power to speak for me. I will cry freedom! I will cry justice! I will use my voice.

I will use my voice to uplift. I will use my voice to dispel the myths. I will use my voice to demystify. I will use my voice to take your spirits high. I will use my voice to tell my people to aspire to a higher consciousness. A higher self. To be thinkers. To be dreamers. To be sewers and not just reapers. To be proactive. To be reactive. To use their voice.

No longer will I continue to remain silent. No longer will I believe them when they tell me that my voice doesn’t matter. I will no longer give them the power to speak for me. I will cry freedom! I will cry justice! I will use my voice.